Remembering
Ian Miskelley
He Held People Up
Ian loved the water since he was about 18 months old. We have a picture of him being held up in the water by his sister Chelsea because he couldn’t quite swim yet. Surprisingly, after his passing, she told us that actually he was holding her up. We were so surprised. He was so young. He couldn’t even swim yet. Wasn’t he the one that needed help? Looking back, this is Ian’s life in four words: He Held People Up
Courtesy the University of Michigan, September 2025
What Our Family Needed To Be Held Up
-
Collaboration within the health care system
-
Family-driven care that prioritized us as his support system
-
No insurance loopholes and to know that there are “tricks” to get care
-
Someone who took the time to explain his illness and was accessible
-
Involving us in every aspect of care
-
Setting goals for Ian and having a discharge plan
-
Transparency and honesty
-
Action based education
-
To be listened to
-
The tools and words to work with Ian on a daily basis
-
A place to go when we had questions and concerns right away
-
Someone to guide us with no handoffs
-
Someone to always be there with us during this painful journey
-
Someone to take the time to really help us
-
Someone who looked at the big picture
-
Tell us that he had constant suicide ideation and how to manage it
What Ian Needed To Be Held Up
-
Family-centered support during his early years that was transparent and truthful about his illness
-
Learn at an early age how to express what he was feeling and thinking
-
Strategies that met him where he was at
-
Options for care between appointments
-
Told when treatment wasn’t working, it wasn’t his fault
-
His family and support network educated and supported
-
Peer advocacy/survivors from mental illness that understood his pain and could be a role model
-
Not to be told he would be better only if he worked harder at it
-
When he said he had suicidal ideation to be taken seriously and to have his family notified and engaged
Ian Was A Fighter
Ian was a fighter. We used to call him a warrior. He got up every day and battled his illness in order to live an ordinary life. He learned at an early age with hard work and determination that he could reach his athletic goals. He truly believed that it would work with everything-even with his illness. He was a good student and a Division I collegiate athlete all while suffering from unimaginable emotional pain. This is common among student-athletes who are programmed from a young age to portray a strong exterior and train through it.
“Ever since they were six or seven years old they have this fighter mentality,...they are to fight through whatever they need to fight through. Sometimes it’s some sort of mental illness and they need to stop and address it” (Tuesday, T.L., 2020).
We stopped and addressed it, but it wasn’t enough. No one stood with us, we were not held up, we were not equipped with any knowledge beyond basic mental health awareness, we didn't have family leverage, we were not the leaders of his team like we should have been. What our family needed was for someone to Listen, Change, and Be Better;.
Since Ian was a little kid, he loved anything to do with the water, the ocean, sharks, and especially turtles. He had a pet turtle, Oscar, and his dream was to save sea turtles. When we were on our last family vacation in Hawaii, Ian finally got to snorkel with them. He would lose himself for hours. He was truly at peace in the water.
Our name, TEAM Be Better;, comes from the end of the eulogy that Ian’s Uncle Brian gave: "He made us better for knowing him. That was Ian's superpower...so be better". Brian’s ex-wife, Liz, designed the turtle logo for a family tattoo just after Ian’s passing. That design and Brian’s words were so special to us, that we wanted them to be a part of Ian’s legacy. Brian was such a huge part of Ian’s life, using his words and Liz’s art seemed perfect. The semicolon comes from the tattoo that Ian had on his wrist. “It is a sign of solidarity and strength in the face of suicide, depression, and other mental health issues. For those who have gone through it, it is a reminder of how far they have come” (Roden, 2021). The TEAM part comes from the importance of Ian's swim team throughout his whole life. He always said they were his family.